How do we raise children with a sharp conscience?
Add Comment By Amrita Sheokand | November 10, 2009
A couple of weeks ago a 15-year-old girl was raped outside a high school homecoming dance in Richmond, California. As many as 10 people were involved in the assault while 10 others are said to have watched without calling 911. The young girl’s ordeal lasted two and a half hours without anyone informing the police.
So far two teenage suspects have been arrested and the police are looking for others. But many of the witnesses may not be held accountable because the victim was over 14.
“A 1999 California law makes it illegal not to report a witnessed crime against a child, but the law applies only to children 14 and under,” according to CNN.
The incident brings up a lot of questions. What was going on in the bystanders’ minds as they watched a young girl being rapes and beaten? What were they afraid of? Why did it take that long, even as news spread by word- of- mouth, SMSs and cell phone and videos that an assault was underway?
What can we do to raise children with a sharper conscience?
On a blog called “5 Minutes for Mom,” Hollie Polard, a guest writer, provides some tips on how parents can keep a conversation going with their daughters. Pollard herself was raped when she was 12-years-old. There are three things she wishes her own mother had spoken to her about:
1. I wished my Mother taught me long before I was 12 that she was the safe fortress, that I could tell her anything and not be judged or questioned, but loved and hugged in the moment.
2. I wished I knew there is no shame when bad things happen to you, no matter how bad. It was and is not your fault. For 7 years I told no one. I told no one because of the shame.
3. I wish I had been better prepared physically. I have taught my 11 year old some basic defensive moves. She knows what she can do and how to do it.
But as a friend suggested recently, the conversation should not be limited to daughters. Parents need to have a similar conversation with boys, not only warning them about being victims of such an ordeal but how not to be mute bystanders to crime.
I would think if we instill compassion in our sons and daughters, it would teach them to not be party to such horrendous deeds. All the better if we can teach this empathy through our own actions.
In his column in The Washington Post, Brian Reid, brings up a wonderful point to reiterate teaching from example.
He writes:
“Still, what I'm interested in, now, is making sure that my children know -- beyond a shadow of a doubt -- that they have a responsibility not to look the other way when someone is being harmed.
My thinking on this was nicely summed up in a piece in the Toronto Star a couple of years ago where the authors talked about the impact of an interaction their mother had once had with a homeless man. Rather than shuffle her children past, eyes averted, the woman stopped, engaged the man in conversation, gave him a dollar, and then continued on her way. The lesson learned that day, the piece concluded, was about humanity and how important it was to never consider anyone "invisible."
I would love to hear how other parents approach these issues with their sons and daughters. Do share.